Monday, June 15, 2009

It Feels Like a Brand New Day

And it feels like giving in
It feels like starting over
It feels like waking up, and you know it’s coming
It feels like a brand new day
Open your eyes

Those lyrics are from Jars of Clay "Two Hands". It adequately describes what I have been feeling lately. I alternate between the fear of the unknown, and, yet I am very aware of how safe I am walking in God's will. There have been some struggles lately that threaten to overwhelm me at times. Suspicion, betrayal and anxiety to name a few.......

I hold to the philosophy (if you can call it that) that it is alright to let our kids make mistakes, for them to experience discomfort, disappointment and situations that kick their ducks out of their rows. Now, before you call child services on me, I do not go out of my way to put them in frustrating circumstances such as those, I just try not to "fix" them every time. You have to realize how difficult that is for me....not only out of maternal instinct, but I'm a fixer. Got a problem? I can give you a Plan A, Plan B and possibly even Plans C, D, and Z to work things out. It is a gift. Please. Hold your applause.

So, I had this thought today. If I, a human, parent Biblically, which is my ultimate goal, than why would Father God "fix" all of my disappointments, frustrations and discomfort? Would I be truly healthy if He did? It isn't as if He wants me to suffer any more than I want my own children to suffer. It is heart breaking to see the ones you love go through the pain that life throws at us. But, ultimately, "life" is going to throw that pain out no matter how we receive it. We could sit here and talk all about the fallen, broken world we live in and all the yucky stuff we must endure, but I'm certain that is not the focus God wants us to have. Again, when my kids have a rotten day I don't want to sit there and spend a lot of time feeling bad about it....tomorrow is a new day.

All this random rambling can be wrapped up by saying that certain hurts, memories and situations seem to recirculate in my life from time to time but I feel like it's coming, it feels like a a brand new day. Perhaps, at some point between the last disappointment and suffering He has been at work in me to be more Christ-focused instead of my-feelings-are-hurt-again-focused.

Aaahhhh, that's freedom.......

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