Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Just Call Me "Drama Mama"

Well, I went and did it again. You know what I mean. The thing that makes most people (inwardly) raise their eyebrows and wonder what I've been smoking lately.

I am going to take an official acting class this summer. Taught by a genius, a master, a director I've been privileged to work with in years past who inspires me and everyone else he comes in contact with. And, he loves Jesus a whole bunch, too.

When I first received the invitation I thought, "yeah right, that would be nice in about 5-10 years". Then, I thought "why not?". Then, I thought "I could really go for some sushi right now".....sorry.....I'll try to stick with only the facts and my typical long winded rationale behind the facts.

My latest dabbles here and there in this area that we actors like to call "acting", have been frightening at times and strangely fulfilling. Not in a look-at-me-people-I'm-in-a-pretty-costume-and-everyone-thinks-I'm-amazing kind of way. No, I found out that acting can be boring, frustrating, and humiliating (makes you want to sign up for the class, too, doesn't it?). Yet, somewhere in that process of discovery I found something that makes me feel like I can't wipe the stupid grin off my face. And, you remember the whole "dream" kick I've been on lately? I've been lying to myself all along that acting and directing are a mere hobby to pass the time until something more serious has to be done. When really, I can't wait until the next opportunity comes along.

Being a part of it, big or small, onstage or backstage, invigorates me. So, when I decided I was too busy to take the class I felt the Lord prompting me that it is not by mere coincidence this invitation was extended at a time when I've begun to dream again. I am ready. And, I go before Him with a humble heart and pure motives that may not have been the case several years ago.

I must admit I'm curious where I'll go with this, but I've decided to take it one day at a time and enjoy the journey!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Oh Wait! There is a Part 3!

I really did not plan on writing more about "dreaming and destiny". But, I had an interesting day yesterday somewhat related to my last few posts.....

As I explained previously, we owned several restaurants. The profit we made off of the sale of our Subway was depleted over the following years from the cafe and finally, when that closed, The Husband took an entry level job in customer service hoping to move up in the ranks to a middle management position. We were just happy to receive a paycheck and have health insurance! A year later, we realized there were no management positions opening anytime soon and we could no longer live off of this job. So, he went back to doing what he did before we owned restaurants, truck driving. That's what he has been doing for the last 19 months and that is going well now.

The reason this is all applicable is that we have decided to refinance our house to pay down some debt (otherwise known as the pool) and get a lower interest rate. Things were moving along smoothly until the call came at work yesterday that despite great credit, they could not show 2 years of The Husband having employment in the same field (never mind that before we owned our restaurants he drove a truck for 11 years). Then, the lady started asking me what I pay for childcare, where do my kids go when I am at work, etc....I said they go to school and she asked about afterwards. I told her I work part-time and she went off on me! Seriously! She said they cannot include my income because it is only part-time. Even though if I had taken a full-time aid position at school I would have made the same amount of money I make working 20 hours per week now! I was nearly in tears by the time I got off the phone. She asked if I wanted it officially submitted to the underwriters and even though she assured me it would be rejected, I figured, why not?

This whole train of thought got me thinking again about the (stupid) cafe and how it is such a glaring reminder of how much it messed us up financially. My 1/2 hour ride home from work was spent stewing about how things could be so different if we had made other choices over the last 4 years and how dare that mean lady tell me my part-time income doesn't count for anything! Then, #2 called me.

The kids had beat me home since I worked a little late. When #2 came in she realized that she had left important paperwork from school in her "throw away" pile. She was digging in the trash and then called me in a panic and told me what was going on. When I told her I had found it and pulled it out to put in the school drawer the relief in her voice almost brought tears to my eyes.

It was in that moment, I felt the Lord say to me....I have your "stuff" in a safe place, too....don't panic. I know exactly what you need.

Can I get an "amen"?

Monday, May 18, 2009

Ready To Dream Again (Part 2)

God's anointing and His favor tend to accompany His dreams for your life.

How exactly does that work? You have to be a firm believer that few things are coincidental. Yet, how can I wrap my brain around the theory that God orchestrates the circumstances in our life, while at the same time we are using our own free will? Ouch. I think I just pulled something.

(In the event you are wondering why this is "Part 2", you can click here to read the first part.)

I happen to believe EVERYTHING the Bible says (I'm not one to agree with those who say "most" of the Bible is true). I can't form a doctrine around something that does not line up with the Word of God or something I know nothing about. I can't simply believe the "happy" scriptures and ignore the warnings that we will face trials in life, etc....By the way, I do have a point to make...I'm getting there......

So, if nothing is coincidental and what the Bible says is always true then......

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

Where I am is not always where I am going to be. Where I was is not what defines me. Christ in me is my hope, my joy, my peace, my righteousness....I cannot have an identity defined by my past, my current circumstances or my disappointments. But, God can use those things to prepare me for the destiny He has for me. Does that make sense?

So, when His favor and anointing meet up with the dreams He has placed in me there is fulfillment. But, what about the times in between that? I'm learning to be content there, to seek Him and allow my faith to grow. And, to be so very grateful for whatever the current season is and the purposes it has in the fulfillment of God's destiny on my life.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Daring to Dream Again?

When desire penetrates potential, it conceives reality.

I have been chewing on that for awhile. After sitting lonely and dusty on my nightstand for a long time I opened up Birthing Your Dreams by Paula White. I'm not even sure where it came from. I just knew that I already birthed dreams and after watching the Big One die, I decided dreams were for.....dreamers? I'm all for following where the Lord leads us, but I could not think of "dreams" without being reminded that my childhood dream had already come true and I blew it.

For as long as I could remember I wanted to own my own restaurant. And, we did. For five years we owned our Subways (one was a nightmare, but the other one was great); however, we saw the potential to cash out and do our own "thing" franchise rules to follow. So, in a collaboration of talent, sweat and tears from friends we opened our coffee house/cafe. It was beautiful...everything I dreamed it would be. We had several favorable newspaper articles written, lots of wonderful feedback from people, but we were missing one thing. A steady stream of customers. We prayed and prayed and prayed.

After a year and a half of nearly tearing us apart and depleting our profit from the Subway we sold, we locked the doors and closed up shop.

And, that was the day it felt like my heart got ripped out. Isn't it true that our dreams are our destinies? It shook me to the core and even after 3 years (June 30th) when I drive by the location it makes me sad. I actually brought myself to walk inside last fall and while I didn't burst into tears, it was painful. It has been turned into a scrapbook/crafts store and all of of the trendy dark blues and burnt orange color scheme have been turned bubble gum pink. That's nice, I guess....if you're into that kind of thing......

I spend most days not giving it much, if any, thought. But, when I hear people talk about their dreams or ask me mine I realize that I still carry the loss with me. The Husband and I used to write down our goals and dreams when we were younger. Now, when the subject comes up we don't know what to talk about. It seems as if neither one of us will admit to any burning desire to dream larger than life. The dreams we do discuss are somewhat vague and lack the risk factor. Perhaps, the fervent pace I map out for myself on a daily basis helps me to forget that I'm not sure what my dreams are anymore.

I'm beginning to understand that if not nourished, dreams die. What can I do with my dreams of seeing people healed, refreshed and filled with the joy of the Lord? I am reminded that He is the One who placed these dreams inside me and He is faithful to finish what He started!

to be continued.....

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

You Like?

I was playing around last night and found another cute spring template....doesn't it just shout...SPRING, SUN, JOY, RAIN, RAIN GO AWAY??!

Also, I'm not sure how to do it here on my "blob" until I actually get a disc, but for those of you facebook people, you can see The Mailman. It is on the video tab of my profile. It is almost 12 minutes long, so be warned. For some odd reason, putting it on facebook is much more intimidating than watching on big screens in church....I haven't figured out exactly why, yet? I think maybe because the more I watch it the more I see things I would have done differently. We are our own worse critics, supposedly!

Again, for those of you with no fb account, I'll get it on here one day in the near future!

Monday, May 4, 2009

Anyone Else's Weekend Fly By?

Well, B. finished editing The Mailman and will be showing it to his film class today. I must say it is the best film I've ever been in....ok, it is the only film I've ever been in. Unless you count my birth videos and there is no way they will ever be shown in a college classroom! Ick.

We "previewed" it over the weekend on the big screens at church in front of several hundred of our congregation. I was blown away at the quality and it was easy to get swept up in the story and forget that it was me and The Husband up there! I laughed like it was the first time I ever saw it. And, thankfully, I was not mortified to be on those giant screens at all ...again, B. is blessed with such a gift! As soon as I have a link or a DVD I will post it. It is about 12 minutes long.

Saturday was a wonderful day spent at our school PTO May Day Dash and Luau. The biggest disappointment of the day was losing the silent auction by $10 for a Laser Tag party that I was going to use for #2's tenth birthday in August....bummer. I ran (with a few brief walking breaks) the Dash in 11 minutes, 40 seconds which is faster than I did in high school, yet still pretty pathetic in normal runner's world!

Here are some weekend photo highlights:

Look..that blur is me running and waving. 'Cause I'm shy like that. Just running and minding my own business.....oblivious to what is going on around me.......

#3 got 2nd place in her age group for the girls! Woo-hoo! Last year I had to beg and bribe her to run...this year she ran ahead of me the entire time! She finished with a 10:20.

#2 won third place in her age group for the girls. These are her 2 friends she ran with the entire time and they all placed. They all ran 7 minutes and a few seconds. I think that is pretty amazing, actually.

Afterward, we headed over to school for the luau. That is #1 standing off to the side talking to some of her friends who were checking in volunteers and handing out tickets.

#3 painting her pot while I worked at the craft table.

Yes, we stopped by the bake table several times between hot dogs, chicken corn soup and popcorn! The kids all had a blast playing the games and turning their tickets in for cool prizes!