Friday, May 15, 2009

Daring to Dream Again?

When desire penetrates potential, it conceives reality.

I have been chewing on that for awhile. After sitting lonely and dusty on my nightstand for a long time I opened up Birthing Your Dreams by Paula White. I'm not even sure where it came from. I just knew that I already birthed dreams and after watching the Big One die, I decided dreams were for.....dreamers? I'm all for following where the Lord leads us, but I could not think of "dreams" without being reminded that my childhood dream had already come true and I blew it.

For as long as I could remember I wanted to own my own restaurant. And, we did. For five years we owned our Subways (one was a nightmare, but the other one was great); however, we saw the potential to cash out and do our own "thing" franchise rules to follow. So, in a collaboration of talent, sweat and tears from friends we opened our coffee house/cafe. It was beautiful...everything I dreamed it would be. We had several favorable newspaper articles written, lots of wonderful feedback from people, but we were missing one thing. A steady stream of customers. We prayed and prayed and prayed.

After a year and a half of nearly tearing us apart and depleting our profit from the Subway we sold, we locked the doors and closed up shop.

And, that was the day it felt like my heart got ripped out. Isn't it true that our dreams are our destinies? It shook me to the core and even after 3 years (June 30th) when I drive by the location it makes me sad. I actually brought myself to walk inside last fall and while I didn't burst into tears, it was painful. It has been turned into a scrapbook/crafts store and all of of the trendy dark blues and burnt orange color scheme have been turned bubble gum pink. That's nice, I guess....if you're into that kind of thing......

I spend most days not giving it much, if any, thought. But, when I hear people talk about their dreams or ask me mine I realize that I still carry the loss with me. The Husband and I used to write down our goals and dreams when we were younger. Now, when the subject comes up we don't know what to talk about. It seems as if neither one of us will admit to any burning desire to dream larger than life. The dreams we do discuss are somewhat vague and lack the risk factor. Perhaps, the fervent pace I map out for myself on a daily basis helps me to forget that I'm not sure what my dreams are anymore.

I'm beginning to understand that if not nourished, dreams die. What can I do with my dreams of seeing people healed, refreshed and filled with the joy of the Lord? I am reminded that He is the One who placed these dreams inside me and He is faithful to finish what He started!

to be continued.....

1 comment:

The Gang's Momma said...

yes, He IS! and our precious little baby girl is testament to that. hang in there. dreams do come true!