On the eve of a new year many of us look back on the previous year and are either glad it is over or remark that it was a "good year". I'm fairly certain the only recent years that stand out in my life as being traumatic are the years I miscarried and we opened our first Subway restaurant (in retrospect I think I may have miscarried due to hovering on the edge of a nervous breakdown), the following year when my Pop died and then the year we closed the cafe (which we are still feeling the financial hit from three years later). In between all that heartbreak, good stuff happened, but I think it was the year we closed the cafe that sucked a lot of the "dream" out of The Husband and me. Thankfully, I am feeling a bit of the weight starting to come off and while we aren't exactly sure where we are headed, we are trying to be patient and go where God is leading!
This year had its share of drama at our house. GAS suddenly, with no explanation left at the beginning of the summer to move back with my mom. She didn't come to say good-bye; she just sent my mom and a friend to come and get her things and when I spoke to her she said this was just the way she wanted it and nobody did anything wrong. My heart was broken and rejected because I somehow felt made out to be the "bad guy". I thought we had given her a pretty good life here. But, love being what it is means not necessarily passing on the heartbreak to the one who caused it (especially when she is 87), so I let it all go and tried my best to be forgiving towards her and my mom (despite the injustice of it all and my desire to get to the bottom of why she really did it). In a family where guilt is a predominant emotion, both given and received in large quantities, it was best to lick my wounds in private and move on. And, I feel like God has showered me with His peace in the process.
This past year was also our first year with a full-fledged teenager. And, while I would like to share some of the details with you I will respect #1 and my relationship and try best to summarize it. Of course, having one teenager does not make me an expert but I've found with her (and, with working with the youth group) you can't push and you can't talk down to them to get what you want out of them. On the other hand, I've told her I can't be her friend, I've got to be her mom! We have had fun together, but we have also had a lot of good honest conversations, especially after butting heads over something. I try my hardest to explain that the root of 90% of my decisions is based in the word of God and not me being randomly "unfair". The other 10% is based on scheduling conflicts!
So, I'm saying good-bye to 2009 with a hopeful heart. Not because it is just a new year, but because I have felt the leading of the Lord and His wonderful presence in my life. No bells and whistles. It's more like a deep down knowing that He will lead me whether it is January 1, 2010 or September 25, 2018 or any other day for that matter.
Happy New Year, friends!
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