Monday, December 13, 2010

My Own Little World is Not About Me

For those of you who know me well, you know that I am a little on the ADD side as far as "keeping busy".  I don't sit much, I am always thinking of what I will do next and I cram a lot of things into a relatively short span of 24 hours. While most of you think I'm a bit crazy,  I enjoy it.  However, the Lord has been working on my "busy" heart this year.  Some days are better than others.  I had another gut check this weekend as I was at the grocery store (the second one of the day, I might add since it was a freezer stock up due to the success of the Great Grocery Challenge).  This was the first time in months I suffered sticker shock over how much money I shelled out for food.  I had been out running errands and wanted to get home to cook dinner so we could head out to church.  As usual, time was not on my side since I threw in a couple of stops not on the original plan.  I had justified that I was alone so I could scope out a few last minute gifts for the girls, but that was not successful.

When it was my turn to check-out I heard singing and looked over to the Salvation Army bucket.  There was a dad and two little girls singing Christmas carols and I thought in passing how cute and I'm pretty sure I would not have the guts to sing in the grocery store no matter how cute my kids were.  Nobody even looked at them.  Of course, these thoughts were in my subconscious, the far back corner of my brain as I hurried from the store thinking HOLY COW, I spent a lot of money in there.  Then, as the door closed behind me it was like waking up from a dream.  Why did I just walk by preoccupied and not put a $1 in the kettle?  I took another step towards the parking lot rationalizing I had to get outta there and get home.  Plus, it isn't as if I don't already give.....c'mon I could go down the laundry list.  God was not impressed with all that, He is much more concerned with the condition of my heart and in that instant I understood it wasn't just about the money.  Looking down at the tremendous blessing of food in my cart I felt ashamed of myself.  I swung my cart around while grabbing my $1 (thank you, Lord I actually had cash on me for once) and went in the "out" door.  I stuck my money in the kettle as the younger girl was reading the Night Before Christmas and her dad was helping her.  However, the older girl (maybe 7 years old?) turned around and with a small smile said thank you and merry Christmas.  I will never forget the way she looked at me....her eyes shining.  This entire exchange took all of ten seconds, however by the time I hit the parking lot I was in tears.  When I got in the van Matthew West was singing My Own Little World, which made me cry harder. It was like that song was written for that moment!  I cried the entire drive home and prayed for God to help me be more aware of who and what was happening around me.   I asked Him to forgive me for ignoring His quiet voice prompting me to move in compassion when I was too distracted or busy to pay attention.  And, I felt so much peace and joy.

Here are the lyrics to My Own Little World....thank you, Jesus for the eye opener:

In my own little world it hardly ever rains
I’ve never gone hungry, always felt safe
I got some money in my pocket, shoes on my feet
In my own little world
Population: me

I try to stay awake during Sunday morning church
I throw a twenty in the plate, but I never give ’til it hurts
I turn off the news when I don’t like what I see
Yeah, it’s easy to do when it’s
Population: me

What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a better purpose
I could be living right now
Outside my own little world oooh

Well, I stopped at a red light, looked out my window
I saw a cardboard sign, said “Help this homeless widow”
Above that sign was the face of a human
and I thought to myself, “God, what have I been doing?”
So I rolled down the window and I looked her in the eye
I thought how many times have I just passed her by?
So I gave her some money then I drove on through
And my own little world reached
Population: two

What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a better purpose
I should be living right now
Outside my own little world yeah, yeah
My own little world oooh

Father break my heart for what breaks Yours
Give me open hands and open doors
and put Your Light in my eyes and let me see
That my own little world is not about me

Well I know there's a bigger picture
and I don't wanna miss it now
Well I know there's a plan and a purpose
That I could be living right now
Outside my own little world oooh

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