It has been a rough week here in the oH mY wORD house.
I'm emotionally drained. #3 has been so physically sick from the stress in her life I've actually considered medication.
And, I yelled at God.
I'm not sure I've ever yelled at God before.
What started as stress during school about the bullying has manifested into something so extreme I cried with her this morning. The boys have stopped the teasing, but she misses me so badly she throws up every time she thinks about going to school. And, this morning it lasted an hour. Sobbing, chest pains and throwing up until she was dry heaving in the trash can.
That was when I burst into tears, rebuked the devil and yelled at Jesus...where are you???!!!
She made it through the school day without tears, but already cried and got sick tonight thinking about having to go to school on Monday. I'm dreading it. More than I can put into words.
But, I will keep praying and keep encouraging her. My plan each day is to have one-on-one time where I plan to hep her memorize some scripture. She said talking to God at school helps her to get through her day.
It is definitely causing some tension around here as this situation monopolizes my time, attention and energy. I skipped a Women's Ministry event because I couldn't bear to leave her for a second time today. I just want her to have her peace back and I've tried everything reasonable that I can think of. Part of me wishes I felt the release to home school her, but while that would be a great temporary fix, in the long run I think it would not be the BEST for her. She is very social and would be home alone all day....no little brothers or sisters to entertain her when school work is done. She would want to zone out in front of the TV or computer. And, I'm terribly afraid to give into this anxiety because it could just rear its ugly head again later down the road with some other issue in her life. No, I just have to stay on course and believe that God's mighty hand is on her and she'll come through this stronger. We're going to love her through it.
5 comments:
Warrior spirit to arise, in Jesus' name!!! Peace, peace, peace flood in the name of Jesus!!!! Spirit of fear you MUST flee, because the name of Jesus is higher than your name. Every power, every principality MUST bow at the name of Jesus!!! Holy Spirit rise up and impart you righteous wisdom. Perfect love, perfect love, perfect love CASTS OUT ALL FEAR. Perfect Love arise. For the honor and glory of Jesus!!!!
My heart is breaking with yours. Keeping you all in prayer.
You are such a good mom and I am praying that the Lord gives you peace about the decisions that you are making. You are right - you are impacting her life in a great way and leading her to get victory in this area in her life at such a young age!
I will continue to pray for you and #3 - she will get through this in Jesus' name! (I feel that I am living proof of that!)
While I do not know the conditions of the circumstances at hand - I want to encourage you in knowing that it's OK to yell at God.
It's OK to express our frustrations with Him. 1 Peter 5:7 tell us that Jesus wants us to come to Him with all things and our every emotion is part of 'all things'.
God gave to us our emotions. We are created to be like Him. He has emotions too.
Moses cried out to the Lord is exasperation (Exodus 15:24-26) and God released understanding for him to provide for and lead God's people. (There are other times Moses shouts out to God).
The prophet Habakkuk cried out to the Lord is exhaustion saying "How long will I cry out to you and you not hear me?" The Lord answered Him saying "Just hold on to me, and I will do something so amazing you won't even believe it when you hear about it". (Hab. 1:2-5)
I trust the Lord will do something so amazing through your daughter's life, that it is possible you might not even believe it when you hear about it. :)
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