Sunday, September 7, 2008

Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings....

Tomorrow begins the third week back to school. There have been some "bumps" in the road, but over all we're off to a good start. Emotions have been running across the board!

One thing that has been a challenge is The Husband participating in our church production of The Rainmaker. While it has been difficult because we really haven't seen him much and he got about 2-3 hours of sleep each night last week, I've heard nothing but rave reviews! I'm so proud of him. Honestly though, as proud as I am, I felt a tad bit jealous that he is so anointed to do something so cool and I'm just kind of here....scooping the cat litter, driving to 3 different soccer practices in a night, and trying to figure out how to spread "all natural" peanut butter on the PBJ's without ripping the bread and lots more fun stuff like that.

Am I over dramatizing the mundane in my life? Of course. I love to take care of my family. But, again the whole "dream" thing revisits and I'm just sort of left here thinking ....Lord, what should I dream? Is that you? Is that me? Is it my overactive imagination? Is it bad pizza? I would NOT want to be in The Husband's place right now because of the sacrifice of time spent away from the kids. I did it when I was in the Pollyanna production and it will be a looooooong time before I do it again. I'm in more of a "supporting role" right now and I'm not talking about on stage. Admittedly, I have put my own desires and dreams on the back burner (whatever they happen to be at any given moment), but I do experience a lot of joy by nurturing and providing the things for my family to go after their dreams. Perhaps that is why I initially struggled with the Sarah Palin nomination. It is my own desperate cry to strike a balance between what I am called to do as a wife/mom and what I am called to do as Melissa. I'm starting to wonder if the only times where I ponder this so desperately are when I have swung the pendulum too far to one of those sides and adjustments are needed.

Hence, my conflicting feelings. But, they are just that. Feelings. I'm still in the process of recognizing what is real and pushing through the emotion to get to that place of understanding. Many times that means remaining silent for a time or I'll do more damage. And, most importantly it pushes me closer to my Father, as I draw close to Him His word says He'll draw close to me. It is in that place He refreshes me to be the best mom I can be. And, it is in that place He reminds me that He has dreams, destiny and purpose...with my name written all over them....and, He is faithful to watch over His word to fulfill it.

2 comments:

Livin' Life said...

We have such similar struggles and make-up. I am struggling with Scott teaching at church while I hold the fort down. I wonder what I am going to be used for. Emotions here have been a bit raw and on high alert. Thanks for sharing . Last night I was complaining to Scott that I felt like no one gets me but I think you do. Thanks!!!!!!

Classic MaMa said...

ditto.