Sometimes the most difficult storms we face come with no warning or no real tragedy attached to them. I have been trying to kick a habit or two lately and the more I try, the worse it seems to be going.
I believe my root problem deals with a lack of self-control. The 2 places I feel stuck right now involve yelling at my kids and my weight. And, I keep blowing it. Day after day.
I have issues with yelling to make things happen at our house. I hate it. I always feel bad immediately after. I have no problem asking my family to forgive me, but then I dwell on it (instant replay over and over). I ask God to forgive me and I know He does. His mercies are new everyday. Why do I continue to dwell on it? Because I've come to the conclusion I am struggling to believe that I can actually do it. And, God told me I can't do it. On my own.
I have got to daily give it over (did I say daily? I meant hourly) to Christ. I need to recognize the signs of frustration before it comes gushing out and I feel my vocal chords straining. I need to let true forgiveness sink down deep inside my heart, so I can let my mistakes go and thank the Lord He came to make ALL things new. He said that He removes our sins from us as far as the east is from the west. I really can't begin to comprehend that.
As far as the weight issue, I've struggled for about 14 years with losing weight and keeping it off. I feel as if I've pretty much given up. The only reason I even try anymore is when my clothes start to get too tight I lose a few pounds simply because I can't afford to buy anything new. I can't stand having my picture taken unless someone is blocking me from the neck down. I want to be healthy and set a good example for my kids, so this has really been difficult and I have reached a crossroad. I'm either going to say forget it or I'm going to press in and really do something about it. Again, I feel guilty that I am a temple of the Holy Spirit and I can barely zip my jeans.
I am not sharing this as a pity party, I am merely sharing this to tell you that it is during these valleys that we go through that God can really work on us because we are yielded to Him. I've reached a point in these areas where I am 100% certain I cannot change on my own. I need a Savior. A loving Counselor who can lead me down the right paths. And, even though it is an end result I'm seeking, I know He'll teach me something wonderful in the journey. Just like He's done before.
2 comments:
We all have areas of weakness, otherwise why would the Bible say we are being changed from glory to glory.
I deal with paranoid thoughts, such as "They must be upset with me because they didn't acknowlege me."
I used to be controlled in my reactions to these vain imaginations. By God's grace, I no longer do things or don't do things according to what I think someone else thinks of me!! I do, however, still fight with the emotional reaction to the thoughts the evil one plants in my head.
The Holy Spirit is teaching me to pray blessing on the person in question, that way, if I'm right and they were treating me in a stupid way or if I'm wrong and they were just having a bad day, they still get a blessing.
If the emotional reaction still stirs me, I pray in tongues, then my stormy heart stills.
They are people that I know who get a lot of blessings from me. ;) Anyway, you're not the only one. Each of us absolutely, positively, desperately NEEDS Jesus' Spirit to empower us!!!
I love you, Dear!!!
This is actually the wife writing (or typing)...I wanted to thank you for sharing. I have been struggling with those two exact things for years now and have had no success except through which the Lord has given to me.
God did something twice now this year, and I will pray that He does the same for you. I'm used to yelling at my 4 b/c that's what gets results (even though it's just strained vocal cords and a headache). One morning, I awoke and felt differently about my children (I actually FELT love for them--it was very exciting for me). Anyway, they were up to the same obnoxious behavior, and though I corrected them, I did it without yelling! This continued for about a week (I felt like Saul on the road to Damascus) and then it was done. I couldn't believe it. I asked the Lord why this happened, and He showed me that He's given me everything I need to succeed in loving (and not yelling at)my children--it's up to me to tap into it however. So, that being said, we went a few more months b/f experiencing it again. But this time, it's been maybe over a month and it's been pretty wonderful. This time there have been occurrances when I've messed up, but asking for forgiveness and repenting (and believing that I've received both) has been wonderful. I'm praying for the same for you.
Also, with the weight, I've been struggling (even though most people wouldn't know it). I do however. And I know that what is necessary in my life is discipline. I've prayed this for myself recently and I've seen a gradual decrease in what I've been eating. I also asked God that it wouldn't be such a hard thing for me to learn. After all, I prefer easy lessons after a lifetime of hard ones. :)
I'll be praying for you in this. And, if I see you around, I hope to get a chance to pray with you in person. Maybe we can hold each other accountable. Then when we're hot mamas we can get some new clothes (or at the very least get into some of our old ones) :).
God bless...
~J.
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