Sometimes the most difficult storms we face come with no warning or no real tragedy attached to them. I have been trying to kick a habit or two lately and the more I try, the worse it seems to be going.
I believe my root problem deals with a lack of self-control. The 2 places I feel stuck right now involve yelling at my kids and my weight. And, I keep blowing it. Day after day.
I have issues with yelling to make things happen at our house. I hate it. I always feel bad immediately after. I have no problem asking my family to forgive me, but then I dwell on it (instant replay over and over). I ask God to forgive me and I know He does. His mercies are new everyday. Why do I continue to dwell on it? Because I've come to the conclusion I am struggling to believe that I can actually do it. And, God told me I can't do it. On my own.
I have got to daily give it over (did I say daily? I meant hourly) to Christ. I need to recognize the signs of frustration before it comes gushing out and I feel my vocal chords straining. I need to let true forgiveness sink down deep inside my heart, so I can let my mistakes go and thank the Lord He came to make ALL things new. He said that He removes our sins from us as far as the east is from the west. I really can't begin to comprehend that.
As far as the weight issue, I've struggled for about 14 years with losing weight and keeping it off. I feel as if I've pretty much given up. The only reason I even try anymore is when my clothes start to get too tight I lose a few pounds simply because I can't afford to buy anything new. I can't stand having my picture taken unless someone is blocking me from the neck down. I want to be healthy and set a good example for my kids, so this has really been difficult and I have reached a crossroad. I'm either going to say forget it or I'm going to press in and really do something about it. Again, I feel guilty that I am a temple of the Holy Spirit and I can barely zip my jeans.
I am not sharing this as a pity party, I am merely sharing this to tell you that it is during these valleys that we go through that God can really work on us because we are yielded to Him. I've reached a point in these areas where I am 100% certain I cannot change on my own. I need a Savior. A loving Counselor who can lead me down the right paths. And, even though it is an end result I'm seeking, I know He'll teach me something wonderful in the journey. Just like He's done before.