Epiphany......a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.
It hit me as I was driving from the gym to pick up #1 from play practice. This thought that snapped me right out of the melancholy that has been knocking at my door the last week or two.
I have the rest of my life to fulfill the dreams God placed in my heart. Why in the world do I feel like I've failed for not making them happen NOW? Lately, I've been dealt a few disappointing circumstances and have been so touchy about turning forty. Like I haven't found the cure for cancer or written a book or opened another restaurant or hosted my own talk show or anything "cool" like that. Sometimes I wonder what the heck I was thinking four years ago when we gave up and closed the cafe and turned our backs on the idea of ever doing that again (oh yeah, I remember...the money ran out!). Since then I'm ready to give it another try, however, I know that I am called to be faithful in the places that He has me in right now. Dreaming is good, but I've learned that when we force it to happen in our time those dreams can end up a disaster.
So, I'm not going to look at what most of the world considers success and I will try to remember it can be the little stuff that really matters. Working a flexible, part-time job that I enjoy so I can be with the kids is much higher on my priority list than pursuing my career through long hours and climbing the corporate ladder. Not that it isn't tempting, but, that is a choice for another season in my life, not now. Do I hear the time ticking away and wonder what I'll have to offer when my kids are grown up? Yes, I think about it every day and then I thank God for the privilege of trusting me with those 3 precious treasures....because nothing I "do" could ever be more important than pouring love, time and attention into my family.