Monday, March 26, 2007

Are You There, God? It's Me, Melissa.

Have you ever been in a rut? Maybe it's a comfortable rut and you don't even know you're in it. Maybe it's a stream of negative thoughts and while you're smiling on the outside (as a Proverbs 31 woman is expected to do) on the inside you're screaming IS THIS ALL THERE IS TO LIFE??!!! Then one day, as you're driving in the car or scrubbing in the shower God just drops a Divine Revelation on you and you wonder how in the world you got comfortable thinking in such a wrong way. It's subtle my friends, verrrrrrry sneaky. Trust me, I know.

The Husband has been complimenting me lately about my good attitude and how I have not complained about homeschooling the kids while I'm working 2 part-time jobs. I smiled and said thank you and believed for a moment that what he said was true. But, the next morning when the alarm went off at 5:30 am and I drug myself out of bed, I was thinking "That's it. I can't do this anymore. Why, God?? Are you even listening to me?? Why don't you rescue us from this situation? We tithe, we obey you....waaaahhhhhh.......God, please...I'm just so TIRED.....". Yeah. That sounds really mature and content, doesn't it?

So, I've sort of realized this lately and I am really trying to be joyful on the inside. God also reassured me that He knows I'm tired so I really don't need to remind Him on an hourly basis. I've decided to take the "student" approach to this season we are in. Instead of asking, "Why, Lord?" I'm asking "What are you trying to teach me, Lord?". He likes that. He wants to teach us all sorts of things even if we don't like the lesson plan for that day. Lord, can't it be recess, yet? Or, lunch? Pleeeeeeease!!!! Although now that I think about it, all day recess would leave us tired and all day lunch would leave us ....ummm....bloated. So, maybe there is something to be said about being a good, well-rounded student, especially when the Teacher overflows with wisdom and love.

I know we can all rest in knowing that God is never surprised by our situations and if we're listening He can change our hearts to make them more like His no matter what our circumstances are. Now, that is worth smiling about. On the inside.


On Fire For Him said...

I have been reading this book for my one and only class down here. In it, the author talks about how in our "suffering" His glory can be found.

Be encouraged that in this time, while you are itching to move on, God is being glorified.

Also - way to go on changing your thought process to "what do you want to teach me, Lord!" He will teach you - don't you worry!

Hang in there.

Classic MaMa said...

Good girl, Melissa! You have such a wonderful attitude and I know that rest is coming soon! You are learning so much and inspiring so many. (me included) We love you and appreciate you and think you are absolutely gorgeous!!

Husband said...

I love you and you are a great mom, teacher, women and wife, I could go on but I must run the kids out and about (you know how that goes. Your husband

Melissa said...

The Husband has brought a tear to my eye! Am I a blessed woman, or what?!!

Irritable Mother said...

You're right on, Melissa.
It took me awhile, but finally I understand God is using my children and my struggles as a mother to make me into the woman He wants me to be. This understanding doesn't make the hard times any easier, but it gives me great amounts of HOPE, and - yes - reason to smile!