I still haven't written about my precious #1's birthday and now, three days later, I am celebrating my own 38th (gulp) birthday. The Husband, coincidentally, has off work and we plan to go out to breakfast and play some tennis in the morning while the girls are at school. Like a real date! Woo-hoo!
Other than that, my birthdays are always so anti-climactic. It seems like I tell less people every year...hey! it's my birthday! I've tried to figure out when it went from this all out excitement to just another day? Is it because my oldest daughter's birthday falls 3 days prior to mine? It seems odd to get another cake and sing to me a few days later (plus all that cake is SOOOO not good for me!). But, I think it is more than that. Right now, I feel like I am starving for a powerful, real encounter with Christ. It's been status quo for the most part. I haven't been passionately pursuing Him and I can see the damaging effects in my criticism and self-consciousness. The good news is that He is a redeeming God!
You know, I used to think I needed some kind of major crisis to hit for me to have some sort of testimony on how to weather the storm. I've realized that sometimes when all the tiny, annoying, insignificant things are driving me nuts, that's where the real battle starts. It's more subtle that way. It's not like I cry out to God to end my suffering when I argue with my credit card company that I did NOT make a late payment last month and they insist on charging me a late fee anyway. I don't fall on my face and beg God to intervene when the snotty travel soccer team stomps all over #1's rec team and then treats them like dirt at school. No, in both these cases I very calmly and very rationally (between venomous thoughts about the offending people) pray and ask God to intervene and allow HIS JUDGMENT TO RAIN DOWN. And, then the next day when I can take a good look at my bad attitude, I realize the dreadful state of my hardened heart and all the defenses come down. Then, I feel really icky. And, He forgives me.
So, my revelation this birthday is that I need more of Him. Until the day comes where I can see everyone with the eyes of Christ, I'll need more.