I Don't Need Surgery...Just Self Control

The results are in and I couldn't wait to blog about my experience at the ENT.

He was by far the funniest doctor I've ever had, even funnier than the ENT we used for #1's ear tubes 10 years ago. Is a great sense of humor a requirement for ENTs I wonder?

Well, let's review the appointment....they were the nicest staff ever. They SMILED at me. Oh my word, if my dentist's staff or pediatrician's staff ever cracks a smile at me, I'll be sure to dedicate an entire post to them. With pictures. Because I honestly would think I had to be dreaming. But, anyway...the nice people took care of me even though I was 7 minutes late due to traffic and an emergency run into Borders because I realized I was bringing my kid's to a SPECIALIST'S office with nothing to do and we had a gift card burning a hole in my pocket for about...ummm....2 years now.

So....I can't possibly tell you every funny thing this grandfatherly-like doctor said, but he was a hoot (this is where I need Classic Mama's talent for re-enactments).

He explained he was going to take a machine and blow air in my nose and it would numb my nose and throat. I was thinking "Uh-oh, my nose has nothing to do with my vocal cords, sir.....

AND, OH MY WORD what are you going to do with THAT?????!!!!!" He had a scary snake-like device in his hand. It was nearly the reaction I had when I found out how the ultrasound tech was going to do an internal ultrasound on my uterus. I could not for the life of me figure out what in the world she was doing with a baseball bat.....

But, anyhoo.....

Sure enough, he blew the air in my nose and this medicine taste dripped down my throat and then some liquid came out my nose (the medicine or snot, I'm not sure). He told me he was going to go watch his training video to brush up on the procedure (ha! ha! ha!) and if I needed anything he would tell me to yell, but since I can't yell I should just wave my arms around (ha! ha! ha!). I told you he was funny! I explained to him I'm not at all used to being at the doctor and having tests performed on me. Childbirth was about all I needed help with from a medical standpoint. He assured me it wouldn't be as complicated as childbirth (ha! ha! ha!).

He came back after I was done "dripping" and I still wasn't sure how exactly one looks at vocal cords and what exactly that has to do with my nose. OH Baby! He took the snake-like thing that looked like something they may use to torture people in Star Wars-type movies and he stuck it right up my left nostril and into my throat. INTO MY THROAT. I am so glad the man had a sense of humor because the look on my face had to be horrified as I tried to come to grips that something in my nose was in my THROAT!! I do not like thinking so much about my body and how it works and what's attached to what and it makes me feel so.....clinical.....so ICKY!!!!

I must have stopped breathing by accident and the doctor reminded me that breathing is good. I decided with that thing up my nose, breathing was just a little too risky for me, thank you very much. But, being human I needed some air so I very carefully breathed in and out mostly through my mouth and then he was done. Pulled it right out and I was done.

THANK YOU JESUS!!!!

I have not yelled at my kids since that day. I was even tempted to yell above the roar at Chuck E Cheese, but instead I walked over to them, bent down and spoke in a normal voice telling them the food was at the table. Who is this quieter, gentler mom?

The good news is that I don't have cancer, I don't have tumors, I have swollen vocal cords that don't get a break. I was given a prescription of Perk-a-something that is an anti-inflammatory and made an appointment to check them again in 2 weeks. He warned me that we need to do the same thing again, but I feel a little more calm now that I know what to expect. I'm already starting to hear my voice return to normal throughout the day. It doesn't last very long, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time.

And, a matter of self-control!