Very few times in my life I have been left at a loss for words. I sort of feel like that right now. God is doing such a deep, healing work in my life over the last 24 hours I'm not sure I have anything coherent to share in the blog sphere!
I'll try my best and then I am taking a few days off to marinate in all He's been revealing in me....
I can tell you it caught me off guard...I wasn't looking for it. I didn't even really think much of anything other than surviving the days one at a time. Yes, in some ways I've been making some positive changes but it has felt more like striving most days then just seeking the face of Jesus and being myself. I came to the realization last night that besides the devil I have been my own worst enemy. I spend the majority of my day second guessing every decision I make and then agonizing over the ones I haven't figured out, yet. If I would have just run into the arms of my loving God and soaked in His Word I think the confusion and accusing would not rule my day. Instead, I give Him a few scraps here and there as if I am doing Him a favor!! Imagine that! If I were God dealing with me I would be banging my head on a wall somewhere wondering what it is going to take to get the point across. Thankfully, He is God and He is good!
I had lost sight of why He even created me. It isn't remotely about me and my good intentions! I saw it so clearly this morning....God did not create me to have my whole life figured out with no roadblocks or detours. No. Why had I tried to boil it down to that? Now I am trusting Him because He sees the big picture and I know His plans for me are perfect and He will reveal them to me when I am ready. I want to be ready to hear His voice when He speaks so I don't fall back into the routine of confusion and condemnation. Most importantly, the plans He has for me are not even because of me....they are for a MUCH bigger purpose. Not to say, He doesn't love us, I'm sure He does beyond our wildest imagination. But, He also loves His lost sheep and He is counting on us to help bring them home.....which leads ultimately back to why He created me (and you).
So, I encourage you with this ....take a moment right now and ask God to show the parts of yourself you're holding back from Him. Maybe it's past hurts, resentment, disappointment or guilt....He changed the way I look at myself and I feel like a new creation! I always knew I was created to carry His presence. I just got burdened with some other stuff along the way. He is faithful to hear us and open the doors to those secret places in our hearts....those places He can heal in an instant if we allow Him access.