Thursday, April 5, 2007

Help! I am Wallowing in Indecisiveness!

After over 40 emails of offers to help find a home for The Dog, now I'm not so sure we are actually going to go through with it! I can't possibly keep up with reading all the emails from people I don't even know. It just seems easier to keep her then deal with finding her a home.

Then, on an unexpected and once again totally random note I take #2 to their old Christian school on Thursdays to have phys. ed with her old classmates. While we were there today #3 had to go potty. I never go into the building, we always wait in the car or go get gas. I tried to get her to wait, but when you're five, you NEED TO GO when you need to go. The moment I stepped into the building this nostalgia washed over me. The smell, the sights, the sounds.....I really missed it. We ended up stopping by the office to purchase tickets to the school musical (that #1 would have been in had she still been a student there) and I actually asked the secretary for an admissions packet. As I was in the bathroom, I was shocked that I had done such a thing! What had gotten into my home school brain? I really like home schooling. Well, I kinda like homeschooling. Oh, alright....if we were making more money they'd still be going to school there. There was some typical catty girl stuff, but I'm not so sure that alone was our reason for pulling them out. Sigh......

As I was staring in the bathroom mirror inside this school I enjoy, yet can't afford, #3 yells out of her stall, "Mommy, I can't wait to go to kindergarten here next year!". I tell her that she will probably be home with mommy next year being home schooled. Probably? What is wrong with me? Are they pumping acid or some other hallucinogen through the school heating ducts? I then decide it would be good for #3 to come to kindergarten here and I'll home school the others. Yes, that was it. Then, I could really focus on the older girls and we should be able to swing one little kindergarten tuition, right?

I want to see her in that little cap and gown next year, is there anything wrong about that?

I mentioned all this to The Husband who is now talking like we are keeping The Dog and he thinks all three of them should go back to school. Uhhh, excuse me? This morning seemed like any other morning, what in the world is going on?! If I didn't know me any better I'd be looking out the window for the guys in the white suits, but this is really not anything that hasn't happened to me 2,314 times before.

I'm going to bed now before I put our house up for sale or try to do something else to rock my world. A girl can only take so much in one day.


Classic MaMa said...

Melissa, you're going to be okay. God has brought you every step of the way and He won't leave you now. Seek His best for the girls and He will help you. Really, honestly He will.

JennaG said...

I know EXACTLY how you are feeling, and my kids are going next year. I think I shocked some people with my decision! I have complete peace though! I will pray that you will have peace as well!

Tracy W said...

M~We have this same debate EVERY spring - or at least, I have the same internal debate every March. And Hubby listens, listens, and listens till I talk myself into the decision he was planning to verbalize all along. When debating, I always feel like the Rabbit from Alice In Wonderland, except I don't say "I'm Late!" I worry my hands together, pace, and mumble, "Public, Private, or Home?!" "Public, Private, or Home?!" over and over and over :)

But seriously, you and J have done a great job so far (in all the years we've watched your lives) in listening to the Lord more than you talk to Him - so you are perfectly poised to hear His will in all this indecisiveness. And He will give you peace with His choice for you!

TCC said...

All that is going through my head over and over again is Jeremiah 29:11. He knows the plans and purposes for you and your family. Also Psalm 37:4 - He knows the desires of your heart. I really believe (and will be praying for you) that as you lay all of this "stuff" at his feet and delight in Him, He will guide and direct your every step. He will bring clarity to where there is confusion and peace to the unrest. God bless!