Monday, April 2, 2007

Confessions of an Amateur Blogger

If there is such a thing as "blog envy" I've got a bad case of it! I started adventuring out of my normal routine and was surprised to see a blog world of really brainiacal (yes, that is a made up word), really controversial stuff that I really could not even relate to. It was deep. One thing was consistent though, these were some PRO-fessional looking blogs, my friends. I suddenly felt like this little thing I do was not in the same league as those PRO-fessional blogs. I mean my blog is the community college (which I went to) trying to hang with a blog in the PHD program of an Ivy League school. Suddenly, I started acting like the typical insecure woman (look at her kids, they are so well-behaved....check out her cute little outfit, she is always so well dressed.....her house is gorgeous and she keeps it spotless, yadda, yadda, yadda.....).

Don't any of you act like you don't know what I'm talking about.

So, as I was thinking how I can further advance my blogging abilities I realized something. Oh My Word! It hit me. My readers are just going to have to survive on my words alone and maybe the occasional picture. No bells and whistles here, my friends. Not that the fancy stuff isn't great. Basically, I have no more time left to advance my blogging ability. I say that somewhat apologetically. This blogging thing is more therapy than anything else. As my good friend, Classic Mama put it, (and let me tell ya, she is one Classy Mama) this is as close as some of us get to grown up conversation in the course of a day. By the way, I was going to call Classic Mama a Classy Broad, but even I saw the political incorrectness in that, although I know she wouldn't have minded!

So, anyway.

Where the heck was I?

Oh, yeah. I was trying to justify the simplicity of this blog, but perhaps I should be trying to justify the rambling instead (sleep deprivation). I really have gotten much better about not comparing my looks, life, house, clothes, and talents with other people. And, now I can add my blog to that list!

On a totally separate "thought process", God brought something to my attention today. I have been fasting (and, we'll come back to that on another day) and praying for a real breakthrough in some of the areas I'm struggling with. Here's what He revealed to me. I wanted to be set free from:

1. tension between me and #1 (pre-teen angst is nothing to joke about)
2. worrying about a new job for The Husband
3. struggling with all the commitments on my part (mostly work and home schooling)
4. the burden of wanting to lose weight and feel good about myself in summer clothes

I felt the Lord say to me what I really need to be set free from is fear, which is the root of everything that has been dragging me down. Fear of the future, fear of not getting certain tasks accomplished, fear of being ineffective and not living up to a certain expectation (you all know her! That's right! She's the Proverbs 31 woman!), and fear of my blog looking unprofessional (ha!ha! just kidding!). So, as soon as I came to this conclusion, about an hour ago, I thanked the Lord and am now eating a turkey meatball sub while I type this. I'll pray more about it after the kids go to bed, but for now I feel like this heavy burden has been lifted off of me. be continued (before I drip sauce on my keyboard and I suppose the kids are going to want to eat dinner, too).....


Plain and Simple said...

I think your blog is great! As I was reading it, this song kept running through my head...

Keepin' My Eyes on You
by Twila Paris

I'm not looking behind me
At mistakes I've already made
Hope is living inside me
I believe that my debts are paid
Trusting You now I know I can make it
I've made a vow, I don't want to break it

Lord, I'm keepin' my eyes on You
Following You
Following You
My Lord, I'm keepin' my eyes on You
Following You
Following You My Lord

There's no good in comparing
With my friends who are serving You
Lord, of the grace that your sharing
Is enough for what I must do
Trusting you now I know I can make it
I've made a vow and I'm not gonna break it

Lord, I'm keepin' my eyes on You
Following You
Following You
My Lord, I'm keepin' my eyes on You
Following You
Following You My Lord

I won't look to the left or right
My only goal is keepin' You in my sight

Classic MaMa said...

You, my dear, ARE a classy broad and you can call me whatever you want just as long as you always call me friend. You know I love your blog 'cause now I get to almost talk to you everyday. :) I agree with Plain and Simple, another classy broad, don't compare. You are beautiful and so is your's blogiful!

TCC said...

I don't think anyone wouldn't understand what you are talking about. For me, simply put, it is having a greater fear/awe of God rather than of man. I have been reading "Driven by Eternity" by John Bevere--it MAJORLY reinforces this concept. We are held accountable for what we do and say and when we stand before Him, He doesn't care what so and so said or did.

Praying for this to be a permanent revelation and release for you! He is in control--no matter what.

Tracy W said...

Thank you for such honesty! I too am working through some fear issues as of late, and have just recently decided that (now that I know what they are!) I am NOT gonna feed them anymore. I am going to feed the Trust and the Hope that is within me - and nourish my True Love. That's the place at which my focus comes to "true north!"