Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Here We Go. Again.

I had this thought as I was driving yesterday that if I were to lose 30 pounds and make more money than what we needed what would I stress about? Those are really the 2 main themes that can put me in a foul mood if I let them. The money part bothers me less and less through the years because God has done amazing miracles with our finances and I know He will provide for our needs. The weight thing, now, that's another story.

While in DC I was somewhat careful of what I ate, but I figured we were walking so much I did not need to take advantage of the fitness room in our hotel. It is that way of thinking that keeps me 20 pounds overweight. I'll lose a pound or two and then just lapse into the same mentality that has kept me here for years. The formula is simple. I must burn more calories than I take in. That's it. I've read so many books on the subject and tried different "diets" and Weight Watchers. Only to still find myself unable to wear clothes a size smaller in my closet that have now gone out of style! Now, please don't think I'm freakishly obsessed over the subject! I know beauty comes from within and The Husband makes me feel like a million bucks. But, I've become one of those people who avoids having pictures of themselves taken. I am such a ham bone! How could that have happened? Because the pictures depress me and remind me that this is an area of my life I can't seem to move forward in. It's the same New Year's Resolution year after year.....

And, maybe even blogging about it will help. I know with Susan's wedding coming up and a class reunion I originally felt pressure to drop the weight. Now, I just feel sort of disappointed that I even need to think that. Didn't I lose weight for my 15 year reunion and our cruise only to gain it back again? I don't want to be a healthy weight just for a few months! Then I start to become afraid that my body is so used to this weight it will take a lifelong diet of celery to maintain any weight loss!

I joined my gym almost 2 months ago and have not lost more than a pound or two. I just read all about Valerie Bertinelli joining Jenny Craig and losing 30 pounds and it was enough to send me to their website checking it out. Realistically, I can't afford it and honestly, I don't want it to just be about me. I want my whole family to join me on my healthy, portion-controlled eating habits. I wouldn't feel right making them eat chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese while I eat my Jenny Craig entree!

So, while I'm not sure posting this has really given me any more strength to see it through, I do know that I am sick of feeling "stuck" here. So, we'll just have to see what happens. One day at a time (no pun intended to the Valerie Bertinelli reference!).


Natalie said...

I'm right there with you! I'm beginning to see the glimmer of summer and already have visions of me looking like a ham bone (I love that reference) in a bathing suit. My belly is a big bowl of jello and I really have no idea what's going to motivate me to lose 15-20 pounds.

Krazy Klingers said...

Hello ladies... maybe one of you should start a workout group at the church... I'd come!!!!

I am not very good at starting those things up but I know someone that works at the church who might be able to pull some strings... Just kidding who am I kidding.

But in all seriousness, I'll come and partake of the fitness!

Beautiful Grace said...

You're a beautiful woman inside and outside!!! However, if you want to lose weight, the best "diet" I ever tried and succeeded with was one that #1 I cut eveything I would normally eat in half #2 Really listen to your body and wait for hunger, don't just eat because tradition says it's time to. #3 Fill that desire to eat when not hungry with worship. #4 Ask the Holy Spirit for self-control