Here We Go. Again.

I had this thought as I was driving yesterday that if I were to lose 30 pounds and make more money than what we needed what would I stress about? Those are really the 2 main themes that can put me in a foul mood if I let them. The money part bothers me less and less through the years because God has done amazing miracles with our finances and I know He will provide for our needs. The weight thing, now, that's another story.

While in DC I was somewhat careful of what I ate, but I figured we were walking so much I did not need to take advantage of the fitness room in our hotel. It is that way of thinking that keeps me 20 pounds overweight. I'll lose a pound or two and then just lapse into the same mentality that has kept me here for years. The formula is simple. I must burn more calories than I take in. That's it. I've read so many books on the subject and tried different "diets" and Weight Watchers. Only to still find myself unable to wear clothes a size smaller in my closet that have now gone out of style! Now, please don't think I'm freakishly obsessed over the subject! I know beauty comes from within and The Husband makes me feel like a million bucks. But, I've become one of those people who avoids having pictures of themselves taken. I am such a ham bone! How could that have happened? Because the pictures depress me and remind me that this is an area of my life I can't seem to move forward in. It's the same New Year's Resolution year after year.....

And, maybe even blogging about it will help. I know with Susan's wedding coming up and a class reunion I originally felt pressure to drop the weight. Now, I just feel sort of disappointed that I even need to think that. Didn't I lose weight for my 15 year reunion and our cruise only to gain it back again? I don't want to be a healthy weight just for a few months! Then I start to become afraid that my body is so used to this weight it will take a lifelong diet of celery to maintain any weight loss!

I joined my gym almost 2 months ago and have not lost more than a pound or two. I just read all about Valerie Bertinelli joining Jenny Craig and losing 30 pounds and it was enough to send me to their website checking it out. Realistically, I can't afford it and honestly, I don't want it to just be about me. I want my whole family to join me on my healthy, portion-controlled eating habits. I wouldn't feel right making them eat chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese while I eat my Jenny Craig entree!

So, while I'm not sure posting this has really given me any more strength to see it through, I do know that I am sick of feeling "stuck" here. So, we'll just have to see what happens. One day at a time (no pun intended to the Valerie Bertinelli reference!).