First of all, my eyes were burning at 11:30 pm from continuing to enter all the Bloggy Carnival Giveaways! It is a sickness, I tell you.
Therefore, I was very thankful for the 2-hour delay we had this morning due to all that lovely freezing rain. Part of why I was up all night was the 2 tall cups of coffee I drank last night at Sugar Mamas (where Coyote Joe's used to be).
My friend, S. and I decided to try out Sugar Mamas, but I'll be honest. I have an aversion to local "cafe and coffee houses" because it is a painful reminder of the cafe we closed almost 2 years ago. In fact, just talking about Coyote Joe's closing up reminded me that we had opened the same time they did, only they got a lot of press and I was jealous.
We walked into Sugar Mamas and it was empty, again (sadly) reminding me of what our cafe looked like on a Thursday night at 7pm. It brought back a rush of memories including despair, hopelessness, frustration over employees and a lack of customers.....
........hold on while I go pop some Excedrin.
Okay, so if you are from around here, please go to Sugar Mamas and support them. Their coffee was fabulous and their desserts and gelato were scrumptious! He must have given us a sample of almost every flavor of gelato they carry!
So, with all that caffeine in me I was wide awake allowing my thoughts to drift back to owning the cafe and closing the cafe and how I am still so wounded by it. Everyone used to tell us, "Don't think you failed....it wasn't your fault. People just didn't know about it, the location was bad, the planets weren't aligned, etc....the important thing is that you learned something from it".
Yeah, I learned I don't like to fail.
So, as I continued to harbor this yucky feeling God started reminding me of the fact that rarely, a day went by without an opportunity to pray for someone. The lady with cancer, the heartbroken man whose aunt had just passed away, and a sweet couple who had come in to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary who thought it may be their last one together because the wife had just suffered a stroke. In fact, I get a lump in my throat when I think of all the tears I wept there besides the ones of frustration and feeling sorry for us. Tears of gratitude for God's healing power and divine intervention. Tears because he trusted me with His children that were in need of more than a cup of coffee.
As He helped me to remember these things, He spoke into my spirit that the cafe was the expensive perfume from the alabaster box that we poured out as worship to Jesus. It cost us, yet, we felt called there until the day He said close the doors and don't look back. Why hadn't I ever thought of this before? Perhaps, my bitterness and hurt were choking out any revelation God was trying to show me. For the last two years, I couldn't drive by the building without shuttering at the mere memories of time and money we "wasted".
I have a whole different perspective, now. Maybe it wasn't so bad, after all.