Wednesday, June 20, 2007

My Loudness is Finally Taking Its Toll

I finally went to the doctor today for my "voice problem". Back in November I strained my voice yelling at #3. Seriously. And, I feel bad about it, but man, she was being crazy, dangerously disobedient and I snapped. I apologized to her a million times and we have moved on, but my hoarse voice is a constant reminder of that day. And, a constant reminder of blowing it with my kids.

At first, I decided I had reaped what I sowed, but I am genuinely sorry and have been praying for the Lord to help me have self control and not yell at my kids. They need a firm tone, but I can get really loud. And, I don't just yell at them, I'm always yelling to them (outside, upstairs, at Hersheypark, etc....). I have no excuse, but I'm LOUD. I try to be meek and mellow, but that is like trying to put a square peg in a round hole. To top it all off, my job has me constantly speaking on the phone, non-stop for 3-4 hours a day. By the end I sound like Demi Moore with a chest cold. Only, not so sexy.

After countless people asking me if I have laryngitis or if I am really tired, I decided this just might be something to check on. I'm tired of joking that my voice is changing because I've just hit puberty. My doctor decided I needed an appointment for an ear, nose and throat specialist. It's a shame I already knew that, but had to pay him a $15 co-pay to make it "official". He decided it is probably my vocal cords since my throat looks fine. Ah, duh. It was funny to hear my kids try not to tell the doctor that I yell at them. He asked #3 jokingly, "Does your mom yell at you a lot?", and she wouldn't answer him. Then #1 spoke up and said "Well, she doesn't yell a lot at us, just a little". Bless their little hearts! Seriously, I have been so convicted of the yelling, even if it is a little, I don't even want to joke about it or make excuses. I come from a long line of "yellers" and I want to break that curse off 100% of the time, not just 95% of the time.

I'd like to say I try to talk less and quieter, but I would be lying. I still sing loudly at church and yell down the street to the kids and occasionally yell at the dog to knock it off or she'll be tonight's dinner, etc.... But, I may have to seriously try and give my voice a break!

1 comment:

Say Anything said...

From someone who knows what vocal surgery looks like (Stretch had it done last year b/c he strains his voice everyday in the classroom)... you do not want to spend two weeks after the surgery in COMPLETE silence! It was horrible. I can't imagine such torture - not talking??? At all???

Seriously, I will be praying for you. I'm a yeller (hey maybe that's why we get along so well) - and I do my best (w/ Jesus of course) to control my tongue. I remind myself often that the Bible says - we have power of life and death in our words. I know you well enough to know that you want to speak life into your kids. I'm trusting along with you that this generational curse will be broken!