God is so good at being God. He really does things that we cannot lean on our own understanding to try and figure out. But, He is good.
This story begins yesterday morning at a women's breakfast at our church and leaves me here, fresh from the real estate agent's office, where I signed a contract to sell our house by the end of July. In between, I was broken, wounded, confused, humbled, awed, thankful and victorious.
Do I know how to pack some excitement into a 24 hour day, or what?
My friends and I met up Saturday morning and enjoyed a morning of fellowship and encouragement. Our guest speaker was Cheryl Owens Patterson, a cancer survivor who loves God more than life itself. She spoke on hearing God's word and holding onto the promises He gives us. It was really a beautiful message that I tucked into the back of my mind for any future crisis I may need to face. Seated at our table was my good friend and her mom, who just went through surgery to remove breast cancer. We got to pray for her and I was overwhelmed with such compassion at her brokenness I even questioned God about it. Lord, I know I've been asking for greater compassion for others, but I thought my heart would just burst for her, is this what increased compassion is going to feel like, a burden to pray without ceasing?
Then the "phone call" came. The phone call was from my realtor who told me that another offer had been made on the house we planned to buy. It was for more money and to move in sooner with no contingency (meaning they did not need to sell their house to choose a closing date, they already could commit). Now, we were locked in for the purchase price but if we didn't agree to the time frame of July 10th we would lose this house. We had 48 hours to decide and no offers on our house that we have had listed for 4 weeks.
I was crushed. Not so much about the house, but once again I thought I had misheard the Lord speaking to me. What had I just heard at the Women's Breakfast just 6 hours earlier? Listen to God's voice. I wasn't sure I knew what that was now and I wept from the depth of my soul. It had very little to do about the house and very much to do with the failure I felt inside....horrible mother having no patience for my kids and homeschooling them, horrible Christian who can't figure out what God is trying to tell her, horrible decision maker, period.
#1 sat next to me at the top of our stairs while I just wept and wept. She said nothing, just sat there with me. It was so comforting, yet so strange to allow my child to see so much raw emotion coming out of me. I really didn't want to scare her, but at the same time I needed her to see that life isn't always going to be easy, and quite frankly, I barely had my wits about me. I will always remember those few moments with her not leaving my side, quiet (and that is rare for her!), and just being there for me. What a wonderful friend she was to me in that moment!
I'll have to finish tomorrow....I'm exhausted!