Thursday, June 28, 2007

My oh My, Look What the Mailman Brought Me

Oh my word!

Did ya ever get a letter in the mail that you weren't expecting from your birth father who you haven't spoken to in at least 5 years because you just don't know where he fits in your current life letting you know he's praying for you and is sorry he wasn't there for you growing up?

I did!

Nice guy, nice wife, nice daughters.....really. But, I did not meet them until I was in my 20's and every time we talked or we visited I ....

1. ....felt like I was cheating on my dad who adopted me when him and my mom got married before I turned 2. Unfortunately, they divorced my senior year in high school.....but, he'll always be my dad and I love him a ton.

2. ....didn't know how we fit into each other's lives. As my kids got older I didn't really know how to explain who they were and the few times I was around him and his family, it felt so awkward.

So, I did the seemingly immature thing and just lost touch with them. It was not a conscious decision, it just sort of happened. I'm seriously not bitter or traumatized, I'm just .......not interested? I guess? This is starting to sound so cold and calloused....really, I can't explain myself! Part of it is being so busy I can barely keep in touch with any of our family members, both near and far!

I have to respond to his letter and I don't want to hurt his feelings. I have prayed about it and I really do not feel convicted about not having a relationship with him. He is a believer, so that's good. He's just not my "dad" and there is no point in being his "friend". It is just allllllll so awkward!!

Can someone please call Dr. Phil for me??

1 comment:

Tracy W said...

oH mY wORD! That sounds like a new and interesting challenge that the Lord has brought before you! I can't help but wonder how it's all woven together with all the other stuff you've been working through in recent posts . . . You know, HE works ALL things together for the good of those who love HIM and are called according to HIS purposes. That's you, girl! I wonder what HE's up to.

In the meantime, I'll be praying for you and your family. For wisdom and discernment and for the mind of Christ in all of it. And thanks for sharing all this - it took courage to admit some of it, I'm sure. Again, you are a brave and courageous woman!

P.S. LadyBug has been enjoying the pics of your gang - she remembers her friend well and smiles when she hears the stories I share from your lives ;) HUGS!