Friday, August 10, 2007

Change is in the Air (Again)

I have been pondering my attitude lately and trying to figure out how I can fix this funk I keep finding myself in. I've been praying, worshiping God and meditating on scripture in a desperate attempt to know that I am not alone (sounds selfish, I know).

I've realized a few things in this pondering. There have been some things nagging at me that need attention. First and most importantly, I have decided not to attend the school of ministry at our church. As much as my heart desires to do this, I believe it is not in the best interest of our family if both The Husband and I go. So, I am going to do the hard thing, but the right thing. I feel sadness and relief at the same time. Financially we both can't go and there is some scheduling conflicts with #2's soccer practices. Probably most importantly, if I have everyone out on Thursday nights in childcare while we are in class we will very rarely be able to spend the gas money and another late school night going to Wednesday night services. I believe #1 needs to be there in youth group to recharge and be with like-minded kids her age. I have to officially withdraw from the school, but I feel a peace about it....dissapointment, too......but, I believe God will honor the sacrifice. I have my own little school of ministry to teach with 3 fabulous students right here at home! I pray I don't grow resentful of this because I certainly don't want to feel jealous of The Husband being there and I'm not. I also don't want to come off as self-righteous because I am the one giving something up for no gain. My heart is not there at all. I really am believing that God has a plan for my life and this season that I'm in is all a part of that! This is my season called "Mom" and I love it!

Another area out-of-whack is my body. I have been so busy and stressed I have paid very little attention to what I am eating and even less attention to exercise since April. I feel bad. I have a lot of headaches and I feel lethargic most days. I need to pay better attention to what my body needs and start fixing some of the problems.

So, it looks like I have some changes ahead to get used to. But, I think I'm going to be okay!


Classic MaMa said...

Well, I can't say that I won't miss you, because I will. I'll miss you a lot, but I understand why.

Every time I read your blog, I just walk away thinkning, "I am so proud of her." I can't help but think that the Lord says the same thing every time He looks at your heart. You are an amazingly honest, sweet, passionate, fun woman and I'm really glad to call you friend.

On Fire For Jesus said...

Girl - can I even begin to tell you how I understand the whole husband in bible school and I am not deal???? I struggle with it over and over again. And after I am done wrestling God, I find myself pinned, knowing that my husband is the leader of this house. And I am the mom of this bunch. The only legitimate way we will ever make it out on the missions field, is if my husband, under God, leads this family of ours out there.
So, I glean every little bit of info, classes, ministries, students, etc I possibly can from him. I read some of the books, attend a class when I can, have students over to our house, read papers, edit them over and over again, help with study nights, you name it, I try to get involved.
It makes it easier in some ways.

If we don't focus on our first ministry, our children, so that we can focus on other ministries, we will totally screw up the most important little beings that we love so much, our children.

Hang in there. Trust the Lord and know that He is good! Cheer your husband on, ride as much of the wave as you can with him! It is worth it all!