Can anyone relate to this?
For a season we are walking close to the Lord, then some trials and hard times come and although, we are still walking close to the Lord it is more out of desperation and our focus begins to shift. He still comes through with His peace and His power, but you start to realize you somehow stopped focusing on His kingdom while you were focusing on yours.
Did I lose you?
Let me share an example....we have gone through this house ordeal (I've stopped using the word "nightmare" because there really is power in our words) and I have lost my ability to feel compassion towards our buyers. The agents involved went on and on about "poor them" and "imagine how they feel". The only thing I saw was them collecting deposit money from their deals falling through while we have been stuck with 2 mortgages. I saw them get new carpet installed while I'm trying to scrounge money together for #2's birthday party.
Bitter? Maybe a little.
It wasn't as if I wanted them to suffer, but could someone please acknowledge that WE are the real victims here?
Oh.....it grieves me how wicked my heart can be when I leave it unprotected.......
SO, as this revelation hit me on the way to the old house yesterday to clean one last coat closet out so they can "take occupancy" as our renters, I stopped at Giant and bought some chocolate chip muffins and a card congratulating them and letting them know we will be praying for everything to go smoothly for them as they move in.
I didn't even have to talk myself into it....it felt as natural as breathing. It was then I realized that should have been my attitude the entire time!
Our buyer (female) was already at the house doing some painting when I arrived and looked at me like I was handing her a box of snakes when I gave her the muffins. I couldn't tell if it was shock or her wondering what I was up to (maybe she's allergic to chocolate??). It has sort of nagged at me that maybe I shouldn't have done that, but I know the still small voice of the Holy Spirit when He tells me to do something!
So, what's my point? My point is that I lost focus and didn't know I had lost focus. Part of that frustrates me and makes me afraid it will happen again. But, the other part of me rejoices that I even had the revelation at all! I could have walked through this entire situation with no clue whatsoever that my attitude needed some adjusting. I think it is natural to feel hurt and disappointment, but it is where we let those emotions take our thoughts, and eventually our words that is more important. We are called to take every thought captive to Christ Jesus! I can't let my emotions hold my thoughts captive!